murder

I've had some deep reflections this weekend. I've had some revelations too. Let's start with them, because they are positive. The rest is very very negative.

1. London weather is beautiful when the sun is shining. It reminds me of my childhood. I went to Regent's Park today and didn't go to the Frieze art fair because I think it's stupid to spend that much money to see some modern art when you can go online and see it without thousands of people crushing you. Instead, I was going to go to the zoo to see the animals, because animals make me feel better. But the line for the tickets was also huge and the tickets cost a lot too, and I didn't bring enough money with me anyway.
2. Sometimes some things were never meant to be, so no point in fussing over them.
3. Sometimes some things do work out in the end, even when at first it seems impossible.
4. 80s teenage movies are so interesting. I started watching movies again, after a long long break. My old favorites got me back in the game, Velvet Goldmine and Party Monster. I am glad I can watch movies again without having to read the plot beforehand, because I can now entertain myself again. I watched 16 candles and Pretty in Pink, and I love Duckie. He's absolutely amazing. If I had a friend just like him in real life, I would never need any friend ever again. And the rich boyfriend totally has cat eyes.

Now the revelations aside, I got some ideas for art work. For some reason, they are all very dark but I just think it's because I've been in a very dark mood all weekend, for several reasons. Murder. I am still in that Crystal Castles mood and I am thinking about murder. People getting stabbed in tunnels, getting shot under bridges, getting strangled in their own homes at night. I do have a fascination with death, that part of it is not new. I've just never thought about it before as a fascination, but I think it's totally there. That's why I like everything dark, dark videos, dark art, dark things (things of the dark).. I don't know. Death, murder... and my tutor Bernie thought it was weird when I spewed some pessimistic world views on him... just wait till he sees my murder drawings. Art school is not that bad, if you forget the 80% of stereotypical art bullshit that comes out of art students. And I don't mean their art. I love art, I love everything about art. Visual anything gets me going. But not when art students open their mouths... those mouths need to stay shut. I'm being a hypocrite right now, because as much as my mouth is shut, this blog is still a fuck load of crap from my brain. I don't think I can categorize myself as an average art student though... and besides, all of their typical art crap comes from where they picked it up from, their country, their culture. I haven't got any of those things. I don't belong to any culture, and I don't have a country. So in the end I had to come up with my own art crap so I think that's why I am a little bit different. But whatever they tell you kids, being different is not all cool and all exciting. It's really hard and sometimes you just want to belong, but no one will take you in because they think you want to stand out.. ah it's a difficult situation. In the wise words of Moss "it's a pickle, Terry". And with that, I am going to bed.