In the midst of making my presentation for tomorrow. Eyes tired and about to droop. Head empty and useless. Legs and shoulders tense and not rested. The stupid bruise on my knee seems to be getting bigger every day. It's starting to piss me off. It's dark and disgusting and I can't cover it up with tights or long pants because it's probably about 30 degrees outside. I realized I haven't written anything since last Thursday, but that's mostly because:
1. I was busy working on two video projects, one almost done, another in the making.
2. Trying to pack because in a week I have to move out and hop on the train to Chicago.
3. I have nothing to write about. I am just extremely sad about leaving.
So I know I am supposed to be excited about getting out of Blo-No and all that. I am supposed to be excited to be going to London. Don't get me wrong. I am really excited about London. I am really excited to see my parents because the last time I saw them was January 4th (or around that date). I am excited only a little bit about Prague and quite a bit about Russia (a mix of excitement and terror). But I can't imagine leaving this place for 7 months.. That's MORE than half a year. That's basically moving out and leaving, and then coming back as if it's a new place. I got so used to this place, the people here, my friends and everyone, and now I have to leave all this for 7 months, all this that I worked so hard to achieve in the last 2 years... This is too much. I am going to be really really emotional until I get back. I am probably going to be in a bad mood a lot of days, especially in Prague, especially when all my friends from Prague will be gone. At one point, I am going to be completely alone in Prague for two weeks or something. No parents, no friends, still no job though hopefully I will find one. Only my internship which I think will only be on Mondays and Fridays. What the hell am I gonna do with all of this time????
This is sort of my confession. This is what I am scared of. I will get over it, I hope.
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You know, I think, once you are in the middle of things, it will seem better, maybe a lot better seeing the number of adventures you have in store.
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly the same way about my own study abroad time...because while its a shorter time period, I worry about the language challenges as well...
ReplyDeleteit'll be so weird too, though, being away from everything i've gotten used to for so long. I'm excitedly terrified.
It was just as scary to come to US, wasn't it? And there too there was time when you were alone. But these episodes are important, for when they are over and you are somewhere else again you will be able to look back and reminisce about all that has happened and realize it was rather fun and exciting.
ReplyDeleteBut in the end every place you stay at is transitory. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy it though. And it definitely beats living in the same small town your whole life, not knowing that there is a lot more to this world...
Hopefully you'll be able to stay in touch with your friend and they'll be there when you come back. You'll all be driven by that thought - you will come back.