Being Female, a personal tale

Hello World! I am writing today from my poor infected bedroom with an army of phlegm and tea cups, in other words I caught a cold. Everyone in Chicago is dying from the crazy flu that has taken over the city, but I’m just sitting here with my sore throat and my snot, ears ringing but no fever, no chills, nothing of the sort. Every time it happens this way: everybody gets sick properly, I just float in my own self-pity. Not that I want to be more sick, no way! I just think it’s pathetic that I can withstand every goddamn flu epidemic in every place I’ve ever lived, mind you, without ever getting a flu shot! But those damn normal colds, I just can’t get enough of them.

Anyway, from being stuck at home for many days (and sometimes eating popcorn for dinner.. because when I am sick I can’t taste anything, so I just want to eat foods that have a LOT of taste... or just comfort foods I guess... or something that can make itself in the microwave in two minutes) I have been reading a lot of online subpar journalism. There is that horrible Esquire piece on Megan Fox (http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/this-interview-with-megan-fox-is-the-worst-thing-ever-written-esquire), then there are feminist articles, anti-feminist, misogynist, and so on. I always wonder, why does the world hate women so much, that’s like half of the world’s population, despised! Mistreated, misunderstood, misused, just plain hated. It’s so strange to me, how did people ever decide, in the Ancient worlds far gone, that women are somehow inferior. Every single thing that anybody ever does or says or works on somehow can always lead to woman-hating.

I won’t intrude on other people’s experiences, I only have my own to speak of and address. So I will start with those.

When I was a kid in school (still in Russia), I remember I got into a few fights with boys in my class. One time it was because this asshole threw his half-eaten apple into my yogurt, which was almost full, so that I lost my lunch and got my desk covered in pink slime all at the same time. I chased him around the classroom, caught him, but before I could do anything, the teacher came in and told me that there is no fighting allowed. I told her what he did, and she just said “mind your own business”. But at the same time, she would see boys fighting with boys and never said a word. She prevented me from picking a fight with a boy that did something wrong. Perhaps in her strange mind she figured it was for the better, so that I won’t get hurt, but honestly that is my right, my decision, not hers.

Another time, I don’t remember why, but I was wrestling with this other boy and the teacher walked in (another one). She sent me to the nurse, but the boy was allowed to stay in the classroom. When I got to the nurse, she tried giving me some sort of calming herbal thing, and I protested, because I couldn’t understand why I was told I was being irrational, while the boy was left alone.

Then I grew up and stopped picking fights with boys, not because I was afraid or anything of the sort, but mostly because I didn’t want the boys to stoop so low in their friends’ eyes and hit a girl. Which I am kind of confused about. On the one hand if everyone is equal, boys and girls and men and women should be able to hit each other, right? But on the other hand violence against women is disgusting. So I guess what I am trying to say is, it is never okay to hit another human being, but especially women or children, because they tend to be less strong physically. I abhor violence completely and think it should only be used, if ever, in self-defense or defense of others, not just innocent people, but anybody because humans can never be the judges of who deserves that sort of punishment and who doesn’t.

I am getting off topic. I started talking about women and now I’m talking about violence, so back to my original topic.

Being a grown up woman I face disturbingly misogynistic situations all the time. When I am cat-called on the street or when people shout things at me on the street, it makes me very upset. It usually makes me feel extremely unsafe and I am never sure how to react in those situations, whether I should be cold, or if I should reply or ignore, I am never sure what is the best action to get myself safe out of the whole situation. I remember one time in the summer I was walking to the grocery store, in the morning! and this man was sitting on the steps of someone’s house, I think he might have been homeless, and he made a comment about my breasts. Very unpleasant, so I decided to just ignore him and continue walking. To my horror he got up as I passed him, followed me for about two steps and shouted “what’s wrong with you, you stuck up albino bitch”. Yeah, I am not joking, those were his exact words. What should I have done in this situation? Should I have responded to his first comment? But how? Why should I even have to put up with this horrible man who diminishes my whole person to a pair of breasts and my blonde hair? It isn’t fair that when I passed him on the street, all I thought of him was that he seemed hungry, angry and lonely. And yet I didn’t torment him, and why would I? So why did he torment me? Why do men torment women in this way, why do they feel the need to say something to a girl walking? Can someone explain this to me, because I don’t understand.

When I see someone walking their dog and the dog is very cute and I really want to pet him/her, I walk up to the owner and tell them their dog is really cute and ask if I can say hello. I have never been turned down and so I proceed so say hello to the dog, pet him/her, and usually ask for their name and bid them a good day and walk away. That is an appropriate behavior of acknowledging something you like on the street. I don’t just shout “oi sexy dog over there” or something of the sort because that’s rude. Why do men feel the need to say something rude instead of something nice? I mean, if it’s true that all men want to do is appreciate the “female” (very common reason behind cat-calling), then why don’t they come up to the girl, ask if it’s okay to say a few words, then say “I think you’re pretty” or something, ask for her name, and be on your way. That’s it, how hard is that? Is it really that much harder than being rude? When did rude become the norm in our society anyway, why is it easier for people to be rude than to be nice? Humans, I will never understand them.

Again, going off topic. Maybe this should be called “What I find wrong with humanity” instead.

When I was in college, I noticed another pattern with woman-hating (or shaming is more appropriate I think). I would see lazy college students wearing the worst outfits on campus, like girls would be wearing sweatpants and uggs (or flip flops), hair in messy buns and yesterday’s makeup still traced around their eyes. Boys would be wearing sweatpants or the equivalent but in shorts’ form, flip flops, baseball hats hiding bed hair, bodies probably unwashed for days. Yes, the norm of American colleges, everybody knows that. But there is a problem, because I would hear people say “oh that girl and this girl, why do they just not put on jeans and brush their hair” but nobody, ever! would point out the disgusting boys. I mean it’s actually totally normal for dudes to be disgusting pigs, they are forgiven, but girls - hell no! Girls are required to look appropriate. Now, I am not defending this horrible clothing pattern going on, I hate it more than anybody, but I hate it equally on girls and boys. I never talked to boys in that “uniform” if I could help it, and I didn’t talk to girls like that either. But I would hear boys say how they like this and that girl if only she didn’t wear uggs/sweatpants/etc. But look at yourself! You’re just as much of a slob as her! This used to drive me mad.

At parties, I would see girls dressed so pretty, with tight dresses and heels and hair and makeup and everything, and boys would be wearing the same variation of t-shirt/shorts/flip flops/baseball hat. It was a miracle when one of them wore a pair of jeans or a clean shirt. And yet, this was acceptable. Why??? I felt so sorry for the poor girls trying to get any kind of attention from those gross boys, who barely would notice them, and if they did they acted like total assholes and somehow still managed to get girls to date them or sleep with them or whatever else.

Being a girl/woman isn’t easy. Everybody expects so many things from you, on all sides. You’re expected to be beautiful, to take care of your body and look fantastic. You’re also  expected to do better in school than boys, but then men end up getting better jobs, higher wages and more opportunities in life. Why? You’re expected to be shallow, to care about clothes and gossip, and when you don’t you’re automatically assumed homosexual, but when you’re into clothes and girly movies, you’re automatically named a “bimbo”, shallow and unintelligent. Why? As if boy things are always so incredibly intelligent and intellectual, like all those beer and pizza gatherings consisting of discussing girls on a scale from 1 to 10. How is that not shallow, how is that not more shallow than girls discussing which boy has better looking hair? 

Okay, now I am just plain ranting. Women are perceived irrational and too emotional, but from all the men I know, they are just as irrational and emotional. Men always say they can’t understand women, but women can’t understand men either. In fact, it’s very superficial to think you can understand another human being. You can never see the world through their eyes, you will never know if your blue is their yellow, or if their salt is your sweet. Assuming you can rationalize another person’s feelings and thoughts is playing God, and nobody is God. But of course, as per usual, women get a bad rep for being unpredictable, while men ride on the glory of victory over the whole world.

I am not a man-hater, I really am not. There are a lot of things I really like about men, and there are so many traits I wish I had that are more specific to men, and the fact that it is easier to be a man in this world definitely makes me want to be one, and not because I hate women, far from it! But just because it would be an easier life, and there is no denying that, because we live in a misogynistic world, that is just the truth of it. I really enjoy my friendships with men, and some of my favorite people in the world happen to be male. Unfortunately some of my male friends exhibit slight forms of misogyny and sexism, and I have to say I can’t help them, and neither can they most of the time, because those thoughts are ingrained like ancient wisdom or cultural ethics, or “appropriate” etiquette, call it what you will. I have friends that shout things at girls, that treat girls like inferior beings, that expect girls to be supreme in every aspect and still think of them as inferior, and unfortunately I wish I could say I don’t ever want to be friends with such people, but it’s just not true. I can’t help being friends with whoever my emotions want me to connect to, I just can’t. All I can do is to try and educate my male friends about what it is like to be a girl, and hope that one day they can change for the better.