Being vegan.. some of my thoughts

I think I need to explain a few things about me being vegan.

I don't like talking about my veganism... Because I always get the same responses, the same questions... can you imagine getting asked exactly the same questions almost every day of your life? Don't you know how boring and utterly annoying it gets? On top of asking those questions, I also always get the same responses.. and every one of those responses thinks of itself as "unique" and that I have never heard that before.

There is no way you can tell me anything about me being vegan that I haven't already heard or read. There is no point in asking me those questions because chances are I will not give you a proper compelling answer. Why? Here is why:

1. This tends to happen in situations when you just meet someone or in a large group of people. I really don’t want to talk to you for twenty minutes (or more!) about all my reasons for being vegan, detailed descriptions of everything I eat, explanations why I am completely healthy and completely satisfied.
2. You probably have a pre-conceived notion of vegans and vegan diets. There is no way I am going to change your mind about those notions by simply answering your questions. Most people are very confrontational so your questions are more to determine in your mind that you are correct in your food choices and I am just crazy. What is the point in asking me then?
3. If you’re sincerely interested and might even think about trying to do what I do, then there is a time and place for this conversation to happen. I don’t want it to happen in passing when we’re first meeting or at a party or at some social event.
4. Food is a very private thing for me. It is in some ways very sacred. I love food, different foods for different reasons. I don’t really want to talk about it, the same way I don’t really want to explain to someone my morning beauty routine or how I get ready for bed at night. Those are just normal everyday things for me that I don’t really want someone to snoop around. It’s private. Being vegan isn’t something out of the ordinary for me at all.
5. Please don’t assume that I want to preach to you my beliefs, and don’t assume I ‘follow’ veganism as a sort of cult or religion. But most people automatically assume that once I open my mouth, I am going to spew hatred toward carnivores and therefore invite me to do so by asking me about it. I am not going to explain my food choices if I hear even the tiniest negativity or disapproval in your tone of voice or your questions. I hate arguing.
6. If I try to explain my food choices, I get a lot of the same responses, all of them in various degrees of ignorance. A lot of things people believe about food are simply not true. I follow science and food news every day, unlike the majority of people. I know what is going on in the world, I know why you shouldn’t drink milk for heartburn even though it’s been the ‘approved’ method of dealing with it. I know those things because I read about them. But the person asking me about being vegan will not believe anything I tell them, simply because ‘we were taught this way in school so it must be right.” Therefore, what’s the point of me even trying to explain if my answers will never be taken seriously or respected.
7. The worst part about the questioning is the fact that I am never respected in my food choices, ever. My choice to be vegan is invaded, it is treated as something weird, abnormal, etc. Why do I have to defend my own choice in front of strangers or even friends and family? Perhaps if I was eating really unhealthy things I can understand why somebody would care. But I am not! Therefore nobody has the right to judge what I eat.

Now having said that, I do actually like talking about my veganism! But only with people that are sincerely interested in it without any negativity or disapproval, people I feel comfortable around talking about such things. Of course I love talking about being vegan, just like I love to talk about art, movies, music and other things that make up my life and my interests. I am always interested to hear what new cool berries are discovered in Brazil or what new almond milk flavor they have created. I love to talk about food and cooking because I love food and I love to cook! I love to share my cooking experiences with people and I can really only hope I can somehow influence them to make better eating choices.

Of course I am proud that I am vegan. I am proud and completely satisfied. I am in no way ashamed of it or have any problems with it. I think what people don’t understand about being vegan is that there is no “Vegan Police” that will come around the corner and arrest you if you accidentally eat a meal that had dairy or eggs in it. Sometimes those things happen, they are unpleasant and hurtful but there is nothing we can do about it. You can complain to the manager of the restaurant for having served you something you didn’t sign up for, but you will only walk away feeling angry and the restaurant will probably have an even more negative outlook on vegans. Why would you want to go around spoiling our reputation like that? It’s already hard being acknowledged and respected by the rest of the world, the more “fits” we throw, the worse it’s going to get. Look at how people hate PETA with a strong passion, and they are supposed to be the spokesmen for all the vegans out there. It’s annoying when I meet someone and they automatically think I am going to spew PETA propaganda on them.

Why am I vegan? I am not entirely sure. I keep thinking about it every day, every meal that I make for myself, every time I refuse a milk chocolate from my friends or repeat the hated phrase “I am sorry I can’t eat that.” My main reason at the beginning was the animals of course. I didn’t want to eat animals any more. It’s unethical, it is gross. I don’t want to eat something that has a face, feelings, that can feel pain, and I don’t want to ingest any of their parts either or use any of their parts. I don’t want to use products that were tested on the poor creatures. I don’t want to wear their dead skin on my feet, or drink milk from their boobs! Sorry but that is the raw truth behind going vegan for almost every vegan I know. I am not putting those phrases in here for shock value - I am simply stating it how it is. It is so upsetting to me now that children nowadays don’t know that beef comes from a live cow, that pork comes from a live pig. That children have never met a cow or a pig or a chicken. That they have no understanding of the fact that their daily glass of milk probably comes from a disgusting factory where they mistreat animals to such an extent that if someone saw it for themselves they would probably faint. I don’t understand why parents won’t tell their children such things, and I don’t understand why people themselves don’t want to find out where their food comes from.

My other reasons to be vegan are the same as everyone’s really. It’s better for my health (and anybody’s), it is better for the environment, it will help world hunger, etc etc. Just go google it and you’ll find all the information. Everybody knows that eating meat is destroying our planet in so many ways and destroying our health is so many ways. I believe that most people internally do feel guilty for eating animals but will never do anything about it.

I don’t like to preach, but I wish I could do it more. I want people to follow my example, I want people to be influenced by me and become vegetarian or vegan. But at the same time the best action is just to be there and not push it onto people. The fact that they know someone who is vegan is already enough to influence them, get them thinking about their own food choices.

Food is so important! It is the reason we’re alive. We have to treat our bodies as if they are sacred temples, only put good things in them so they won't hurt, break or develop weird diseases and cancers. And yet most people eat total shit. I am not saying I am the healthiest person ever, but I do follow certain steps to remain healthy:

1. Absolutely nothing from animals.
2. At least one piece of fruit a day. Usually I eat 3-4.
3. No white rice, white bread, etc. Only whole grains and no empty carbs that have absolutely no nutritional value except for calories. Trying not to eat bread or pasta often... instead I stick to brown rice, chickpeas and beans, lentils, peas and quinoa, and sometimes potatoes.
4. Salad at least once a day, usually with dinner, or an equivalent amount of steamed/cooked vegetables.
5. Less salt, more spice. Especially red pepper/cayenne pepper.
6. Very limited amount of processed foods, almost none at all if I can help it, unless I go out to eat.
7. Desserts are allowed in very small quantities and only purely vegan and hopefully unprocessed although I do enjoy an occasional Oreo or Luna bar.
8. Very limited amount of oil - and only olive oil. I usually cook with veggie broth or water instead of oil.

It’s very simple! My food is very uncomplicated, I don’t know why it freaks people out. If anything, I eat so much simpler compared to most meat-eaters, I don’t really understand why people think it’s complicated to be vegan. It’s so much simpler! Grocery shopping is easy because most things I buy are in the produce section. Cooking is simple because most things I make take under 30 minutes to prepare and cook. I am not scared of horrible food poisoning because most things I eat are vegetables and legumes... that I wash and prepare myself.

My typical day if I go to work looks like this:

Morning: Oatmeal or avocado+apple smoothie.

At work: Lentils/rice/peas prepared at home in a little plastic container, plus fruit.

Evening at home: Salad! Usually spinach and tomato, sometimes with cucumbers/peppers/mushrooms/whatever is in the fridge. With salad I usually make a hot dish like curried chickpeas+tomatoes; mexican rice; stir-fry; baked sweet potatoes; baked potato+lentils+salsa.

When I have people over for dinner I cook more elaborate things. My favorites to make are:

Cauliflower/potato soup

Peanut stew (chickpeas, potatoes, tomatoes, peanut butter, spices, etc)

Stuffed portobello mushrooms with avocado/tofu/tomato/etc

Vegan tacos (green peppers stir-fried with black beans)

Any variation of cooking eggplant - roasting, baking, stuffing...

I love different foods for different reasons. I love vegetables because they are crunchy, juicy, fresh, and each one has a different texture and tastes different and cooks different. I love lentils and chickpeas because they are very comforting and smooth and taste amazing. I love nuts because they are crunchy and make my jaw muscles hurt. I love fruits especially bananas and peaches and cherries because they are so sweet and summery. I love avocados because they have the perfect combination of smoothness and combine so well with tomatoes. I love baked potatoes even though I used to hate them. I love mushrooms because they are so funky and taste so good in stir-fry. I love hummus and peanut butter but try not to buy them because I tend to eat too much of them in one sitting. I love almond-milk based ice cream because it makes me feel like I am eating clouds. I could go on forever.

The point is, I love being vegan. I am proud to be vegan. I hope one day everyone will be vegan!

This is only part 1 of many posts I might make in the future about me being vegan. It's a whole universe that I can't just put into one blog post and be done.

Interpret my dreams for me

Last night’s dreams really got to me today, so I am going to try and decipher them a little bit. I am not entirely sure I believe that dreams are a way to unlock our thoughts, but I think sometimes dreams really are your brain’s “garbage” - thoughts and feelings that you need to get rid of but are finding quite hard to let go, so your brain does it for you when you’re asleep.

Here is my own crack at this Watson&Holmes type of investigation of my mind.

My first dream was actually really funny, considering all the “short” jokes my friends make about me all the time. The dream started in a grocery store. I was getting a cart and I was told I had to take a different one, which was slightly smaller and built differently, but most importantly it had a flag on it. Not like a country’s flag or anything, just a whatever looking flag. I asked why I have to have a stupid flag on my cart and I was told any person of height 5’3 and below is considered a child and therefore needs to use a child’s cart. Needless to say, I was furious! Yes I am 5’3 but I am also not a child!

After this dream ended, another one started, in which my friend Jocelyn was sorting through my laundry and trying to do my laundry for me. I told her it doesn’t need to be done because it was all clean already, but she wouldn’t listen and continued trying to separate colored clothing from the monochromatic ones.

This dream slowly turned into a dream about Alice Glass (my favorite person in the world / one half of Crystal Castles / goddess that I want to marry one day.. or be). It was as if they played a show and I was hanging out with her back stage. She was relatively friendly and even asked for my email so we can stay in touch, but she also kept getting my name wrong, instead of “Katya” she kept saying (and writing) “Katyo”. Then we all decided to go to a resort type of thing, it was my Dad, Alice Glass and a bunch of other people I don’t know in real life, and me.

This slowly turned into a dream about me trying on outfits for some sort of evening/ball at this resort which we were already at. I couldn’t decide what to wear, and when I pulled out my undergarment drawer I saw all these beautiful old-fashioned silky white bras and thought “where the hell did I get those? I haven’t had a white bra since I was 14”. And I started trying them on and realized I can’t wear them with any of my fancy evening clothes because those had either no straps or had plunging necklines or open backs, or were half see-through and so on. I was quite upset about it but then it turned into the next morning at the resort, where apparently we realized we’ve been getting a lot of stuff for free but now they caught on to us.

I walk to the room where they serve fancy breakfast and Alice and my Dad are nowhere to be seen, just me and those other people we were with. Some old lady comes up to me and gives me her pass, so I am able to go into the breakfast room as one of the VIP residents. But then I turn around and don’t see anyone I know. I am told my Dad has just developed a nasty cold and Alice Glass is still sleeping. At which point I finally wake up.

Now let’s try and break down all of the complications in this dream. The first part about my height is fairly easy... I think it was the aftermath of running into Jocelyn (in the real world) last night on the street and her telling me I look taller than usual. It may be because last weekend I was trying to prove I am not all that small... who knows.

The fact that Jocelyn was trying to do my laundry for me, which was already clean... is quite hard. It might mean that I am satisfied with some part of my life but my friends think it needs more work. Or that I find my friends being overly fussy over stuff that I don’t really care about right now. The fact that it was distinctly Jocelyn doesn’t actually mean anything. It might have been anyone and my half-awake mind put her face to this dream because it was the first person I thought of (probably because we lived together for so long).

Obviously meeting Alice Glass is just a romantic idea I’ve had since I became obsessed with Crystal Castles. On the other hand, the fact that out of all the other fans she chose to hang out with me might mean that I consider myself slightly above everyone else and my ego is just ridiculously large. The part where she kept getting my name wrong is obviously my brain telling me to stop having such a huge ego and come down to Earth, not everything circulates about Katya.

I have a theory about the white bras: I think they are part innocence, part nostalgia, part shedding the past. My whole life I only thought one thing about white bras: don’t ever buy them. See, it’s because when I was 14 and only wore white bras, my friend in Russia laughed at me and said “What are you, a kid? Nobody our age or older wears white bras.” And from that day I decided never to wear them. The fact that they appeared in my dream so vividly, the white silkiness almost blinding me, probably means that I’ve been thinking a lot about my earlier days, the white shining so brightly, signifying some sort of childish innocence that I no longer have, and the fact that I couldn’t wear the white bras in my dream shows that this innocence will never return. I think this part about never returning is further deepened by a sense of longing and nostalgia that I’ve been experiencing lately, most likely due to the expectancy of some feeling toward my trip to Bloomington this weekend. I am excited about it, but also apprehensive because I am not sure what feelings I left behind there. I left in a bit of a hurry, I had no idea what I was feeling about it. Now I feel slight nostalgic pangs when I remember certain events there, but at the same time I almost feel nothing at all. I think if I didn’t have business to go down there, I wouldn’t miss or think about missing it at all.

The rest of the dream might just be all those thoughts and dreams coming together. Realizing I had some sort of privilege that I really don’t; realizing my true lonesomeness at this point in my life and having to slightly rely on the kindness of strangers; uncertainty in my life in general, as much as uncertainty in any aspect of my life, my art, my relationships, my future, my past.

I think this dream really opened my mind a little bit about what’s going on with me emotionally lately. I’ve been trying not to think about my emotions, and at the same time I’ve been trying to look at them from a third person perspective.