Viktor Tsoi knew exactly how winter feels for those like me. Those that have to wear three sweaters or a poncho on top of a jacket just to feel remotely okay outside in zero celsius. He also knew how annoying snow is and the power of the sun. Today every time I stepped outside I was singing this to myself:
Белая гадость лежит под окном.
Я ношу шапку и шерстяные носки.
Мне везде неуютно и пиво пить в лом,
Как мне избавиться от этой тоски
По вам,
Солнечные дни?
Мерзнут руки и ноги, и негде сесть.
Это время похоже на сплошную ночь.
Хочется в теплую ванну залезть.
Может быть, это избавит меня то тоски
По вам,
Солнечные дни.
Я раздавлен зимою, я болею и сплю.
И порой я уверен, что зима - навсегда.
Еще так долго до лета, а я еле терплю.
Но, может быть, эта песня избавит меня от тоски
По вам,
Солнечные дни,
Солнечные дни.
I had to google the lyrics even though I know them by heart because I don't have the Russian keyboard on my new laptop yet.
I feel so heavy.... waking up at 6am, spending the day outside of my bed, being cold constantly. Being scared of getting sick. Food coma. Morning spent listening to drilling, banging, hammering. I just want to go to my normal peaceful life. At least now we have a door. Yay! But apparently it's not finished and he's coming back tomorrow at 6am. Probably to bang and drill some more. I would love this man except without sleep I don't function and he stands between me and sleep. I know it's not his fault. I know he is trying his best to finish this as quickly as possible, to provide us comfort, he is amazing. But right now I feel too fucked up to appreciate him.
Merzkaja gadost' lezhit pod oknom, merzkaja.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
never be alone again, so come on
I am gonna talk about some of my favorite music videos. And like I said, SOME because I've seen so many, obviously I am forgetting some others. I won't mention any CC videos because obviously that would be too biased.
Let's start with the Last Shadow Puppets "The Age of the Understatement"
I mean, how awesome is this?? Apart from actually capturing the motherland without too much irony, there are some characters in there that make this a masterpiece. The chorus of Russian soldiers, the little boy in the plush chair with his brooding parents, eating a cake of sorts, and of course Alex Turner and Miles Kane bathed in snow and tanks is just too good to be allowed. It would be a typical "welcome to Mother Russia where bears walk the streets and everyone wears those stupid hats" kind of video, if it wasn't for the brilliance of cinematography and only those two boys could ever pull off walking through a huge square with Russian soldiers singing their song, their song. That's what makes it brilliant, the little details, like the fat man smelling the fat woman's hair. This is possibly actually in my top five.
IAMX "Spit it out"
There is something very special about this video. I think it's the fact that Chris Corner's stage persona is captured here so incredibly well, better than any other video they ever made. It's just so visually pretty, the costumes, the makeup, the hair, the movements, the location. Loving it.
Patrick Wolf "Vulture"
This is a very sexual and tense video. The parts with Patrick in his aviator/bird/vulture costume are absolutely amazing, they are my favorites. I also just love all the cuts/repeats/slow motion/etc parts. Almost too awkward, but still not over the edge, and thats whats so good about it.
Hadouken "Mic Check"
Ahhhh so good. The cinematography and the lighting and the editing, everything just so fast paced and awesome.
Placebo "20 Years"
This song made me teary. When the video came out, I would cry full on because it's too emotional to handle.
Portishead "Only You"
Any Chris Cunningham video is pretty much perfect, but this is definitely one of his best. I mean this is not a music video, this is just a pure piece of video art. The last bit with the boy turning over and over, thats the kind of stuff I wish I could do, given the right resources and knowledge.
Peaches "Lose you"
Oh oh... I'm in love with both of you :P This video is so ridiculous, well like all of Peaches, but this one is special. She is not Peaches the glamorous sex-obsessed pink energy ball, she is an older Jewish-looking woman in a tiny apartment claiming she loves two people, both of which look very normal, and boring. Then she ends up in a white thing looking almost Madonna-ish and her two sidekicks are too much. Absolutely brilliant.
Justice vs. Simian "We are your friends"
Too good. No comment.
And speaking of Justice, their video for "D.A.N.C.E" is pretty cool too.
Well now I need to go do some work. There is probably going to be other parts to this post because as you might have noticed, all the videos I mentioned are not very recent. I was gonna do more recent ones but then realized I need to do work. So laters.
Let's start with the Last Shadow Puppets "The Age of the Understatement"
I mean, how awesome is this?? Apart from actually capturing the motherland without too much irony, there are some characters in there that make this a masterpiece. The chorus of Russian soldiers, the little boy in the plush chair with his brooding parents, eating a cake of sorts, and of course Alex Turner and Miles Kane bathed in snow and tanks is just too good to be allowed. It would be a typical "welcome to Mother Russia where bears walk the streets and everyone wears those stupid hats" kind of video, if it wasn't for the brilliance of cinematography and only those two boys could ever pull off walking through a huge square with Russian soldiers singing their song, their song. That's what makes it brilliant, the little details, like the fat man smelling the fat woman's hair. This is possibly actually in my top five.
IAMX "Spit it out"
There is something very special about this video. I think it's the fact that Chris Corner's stage persona is captured here so incredibly well, better than any other video they ever made. It's just so visually pretty, the costumes, the makeup, the hair, the movements, the location. Loving it.
Patrick Wolf "Vulture"
This is a very sexual and tense video. The parts with Patrick in his aviator/bird/vulture costume are absolutely amazing, they are my favorites. I also just love all the cuts/repeats/slow motion/etc parts. Almost too awkward, but still not over the edge, and thats whats so good about it.
Hadouken "Mic Check"
Ahhhh so good. The cinematography and the lighting and the editing, everything just so fast paced and awesome.
Placebo "20 Years"
This song made me teary. When the video came out, I would cry full on because it's too emotional to handle.
Portishead "Only You"
Any Chris Cunningham video is pretty much perfect, but this is definitely one of his best. I mean this is not a music video, this is just a pure piece of video art. The last bit with the boy turning over and over, thats the kind of stuff I wish I could do, given the right resources and knowledge.
Peaches "Lose you"
Oh oh... I'm in love with both of you :P This video is so ridiculous, well like all of Peaches, but this one is special. She is not Peaches the glamorous sex-obsessed pink energy ball, she is an older Jewish-looking woman in a tiny apartment claiming she loves two people, both of which look very normal, and boring. Then she ends up in a white thing looking almost Madonna-ish and her two sidekicks are too much. Absolutely brilliant.
Justice vs. Simian "We are your friends"
Too good. No comment.
And speaking of Justice, their video for "D.A.N.C.E" is pretty cool too.
Well now I need to go do some work. There is probably going to be other parts to this post because as you might have noticed, all the videos I mentioned are not very recent. I was gonna do more recent ones but then realized I need to do work. So laters.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
yeah yeah big events
Well, yeah big events.
What can I say? Life sucks and then we move on.
To wrap it up, I am not coming back to IWU next semester to study, I will come at the end of April (hopefully) for graduation and hang outs with graduating people.
Until then, I will be in London for a few months until I get my passport done at the Russian embassy. Then I will be in Prague getting other things done. That is all really.
It sucks because I had so many plans for next semester. It sucks because a little thing like this can put a hold on my studies, on life in general. But at the same time, nothing bad ever happens without some good. And in my case, there was some good in this as well.
When you are robbed of your most important possessions, you start to think how really important material things are in life. Do you really need all these things? Are you really that strongly attached to them? And I mean, all the money and files and passport yeah, you can't really live without them. But at the same time I feel like this is a sort of clean slate. And that is also important. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in life, you forget things like how important your art really is. Because when I ran into the robbed flat, the first thing I thought of was "Did they take my art books? Are they damaged in any way?" and I was so relieved to find them just fine, that I forgot about anything else.
As for other good things, I also learned how to be more competent, since Zig always says I'm completely useless in everything. It's strange but I don't really want to go back to painting. Maybe it's good I'm having such a long break from it after all. I was talking to someone about how everyone seems to be using words now. A lot of people in my art program here are doing stuff with words, and me included now! I write stories about dead people! I still havent figured out how I am going to present this. I have to get some advice from Bernard. Ah, Bernard dearest. My new mentor after Miles. Miles is still awesome, I just hope he is around when I finally make it back to IWU.
Well some pictures to sum it all up?
What can I say? Life sucks and then we move on.
To wrap it up, I am not coming back to IWU next semester to study, I will come at the end of April (hopefully) for graduation and hang outs with graduating people.
Until then, I will be in London for a few months until I get my passport done at the Russian embassy. Then I will be in Prague getting other things done. That is all really.
It sucks because I had so many plans for next semester. It sucks because a little thing like this can put a hold on my studies, on life in general. But at the same time, nothing bad ever happens without some good. And in my case, there was some good in this as well.
When you are robbed of your most important possessions, you start to think how really important material things are in life. Do you really need all these things? Are you really that strongly attached to them? And I mean, all the money and files and passport yeah, you can't really live without them. But at the same time I feel like this is a sort of clean slate. And that is also important. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in life, you forget things like how important your art really is. Because when I ran into the robbed flat, the first thing I thought of was "Did they take my art books? Are they damaged in any way?" and I was so relieved to find them just fine, that I forgot about anything else.
As for other good things, I also learned how to be more competent, since Zig always says I'm completely useless in everything. It's strange but I don't really want to go back to painting. Maybe it's good I'm having such a long break from it after all. I was talking to someone about how everyone seems to be using words now. A lot of people in my art program here are doing stuff with words, and me included now! I write stories about dead people! I still havent figured out how I am going to present this. I have to get some advice from Bernard. Ah, Bernard dearest. My new mentor after Miles. Miles is still awesome, I just hope he is around when I finally make it back to IWU.
Well some pictures to sum it all up?
Picture taken with Pat's iphone. This is the door that let in those motherfuckers. But we took the picture for an art project I was asked to participate in. Ha. If only that artist knew what she was asking...
With new computer comes the new desktop picture. Obviously, Alice Glass.
From Yvan Rodic's blog, I think this one is from New York. I just find it really funny.
Haha. Still from Y.R.'s blog. I wouldn't be surprised if it was those Hackney hipsters who broke into our flat. Though they wouldn't have enough strength to kick in our door.
Oh yeah, we have no door until Tuesday. We have a metal sheet that we balance on the broken door frame. And we have to babysit our flat, so that someone is always in it. At night I don't sleep, I'm a guard dog. Woof. Got my Swiss knife ready in case anyone unwelcome shows up. Beware.
Monday, November 22, 2010
this is such a good morning
oh my!!
with the real prospect of an apartment in bloomington thanks to a lot of people at once, the idea of actually being able to become vegan, everything going well, people coming to visit, Japan, "the girl who leapt through time", tea, pulp reunion, white ring's "roses" thanks to james, happy bubbly last night, MNDR on wednesday, london london london, ah life is so good sometimes. it seems like it just cant get better.
pictures to illustrate my happiness:
with the real prospect of an apartment in bloomington thanks to a lot of people at once, the idea of actually being able to become vegan, everything going well, people coming to visit, Japan, "the girl who leapt through time", tea, pulp reunion, white ring's "roses" thanks to james, happy bubbly last night, MNDR on wednesday, london london london, ah life is so good sometimes. it seems like it just cant get better.
pictures to illustrate my happiness:
Passion fruit
The Girl Who Leapt Through Time
Bertie Wooster figuring out how to make tea
Pulp
White Roses
MNDR
Patrick Wolf
XOYO club in London
Saturday, November 20, 2010
musically obsessed
SALEM SALEM SALEM SALEM have taken my soul.
Their show in London town is sold out, I was so sad!!! That would have been such a fucking treat. But I'm sure they'll be playing shows around Illinois next year. I have to go see them live. They've taken my soul, I have to claim it back. I think my obsession with Salem is as strong as my obsession with Patrick Wolf. Who I am obsessing about again, because he just released a new song and it's soooo beautiful!
check it out here
I was slightly disappointed with the Bachelor album, because even though some songs were amazing "Vulture" "Oblivion" "Damaris" and "The Messenger" (actually I am in love with the Messenger song), other songs were not so impressive or actually even a bit annoying, and "Hard Times" was just not even a bit annoying but I really didn't like it. I was so excited about the Bachelor album after The Magic Position, even though that isn't my favorite album, but it got me to discover Patrick Wolf so I will always have a special place in my heart for it. My favorite songs on there: "Accident & Emergency", "Bluebells", "Magpie", "Augustine", "Secret Garden". My favorite album is actually Wind in the Wires, because it is sad, lonely, magical, a little rough and so melodic. I like every single song on that album, but my absolute favorite is "This Weather". As for Lycanthropy, it is absolutely brilliant and I love every song on it too, but it's not my favorite though it's the one I listen to most often nowadays. My favorite song is of course "The Childcatcher". So racy and dirty and fucked up!
I am just looking forward to the new material by Mr Wolf, especially if he's going in the direction of the new song!!
I'm going to see MNDR live on Wednesday. I am really excited because it's obvious that it's gonna be dancy and cool. I'm not into their music so much, but she/they are going to be huge next year, and I will never be able to get to see MNDR in such a small venue again. Besides, after a day of lecture, seminar, 4 hours of drawing followed by an artist talk, it will be so awesome to just relax and let my hair down (it's always down haha).
Who is super excited about Pulp reuniting??? I know I fucking am!
Also, strangely, I am starting to like the band Girls. Why??? I hated them when they first appeared. Now... I don't know. Their songs are catchy and their attitude is pretty damn awesome.
Oh oh I really liked the BATHS show I went to. Will was so cool! Playing his little tunes and being adorable and teddy-bear like. I was standing with a bunch of people that were dancing a lot, and I joined them because it was just a really good dance atmosphere. I don't know if I would listen to BATHS on a daily basis but I would definitely go to another live show if he's playing around Chicago next year.Which I am sure he will be. I think next year I will be spending a lot more time up in Chicago than usual. At least now I have at least 2 places to stay if I wanted to.
The muse calls, this was my break from endless writing and drawing. My break=more writing. I swear my brain hates all the usual and normal forms of relaxation and entertainment, instead forces me to work even when I'm on a break. Ah well...
Btw, I had THE most amazing breakfast today. I cut up half a banana, some strawberries and some blueberries. I then put my new cereal (wholegrain blueberry wheats) and poured rice milk on all that. Sooooo incredibly yummy. Then I had some crackers with hummus, tea and jam, and some passionfruit. This vegan thing is going better than I could have ever imagined. I don't miss cheese one bit!
Their show in London town is sold out, I was so sad!!! That would have been such a fucking treat. But I'm sure they'll be playing shows around Illinois next year. I have to go see them live. They've taken my soul, I have to claim it back. I think my obsession with Salem is as strong as my obsession with Patrick Wolf. Who I am obsessing about again, because he just released a new song and it's soooo beautiful!
check it out here
I was slightly disappointed with the Bachelor album, because even though some songs were amazing "Vulture" "Oblivion" "Damaris" and "The Messenger" (actually I am in love with the Messenger song), other songs were not so impressive or actually even a bit annoying, and "Hard Times" was just not even a bit annoying but I really didn't like it. I was so excited about the Bachelor album after The Magic Position, even though that isn't my favorite album, but it got me to discover Patrick Wolf so I will always have a special place in my heart for it. My favorite songs on there: "Accident & Emergency", "Bluebells", "Magpie", "Augustine", "Secret Garden". My favorite album is actually Wind in the Wires, because it is sad, lonely, magical, a little rough and so melodic. I like every single song on that album, but my absolute favorite is "This Weather". As for Lycanthropy, it is absolutely brilliant and I love every song on it too, but it's not my favorite though it's the one I listen to most often nowadays. My favorite song is of course "The Childcatcher". So racy and dirty and fucked up!
I am just looking forward to the new material by Mr Wolf, especially if he's going in the direction of the new song!!
I'm going to see MNDR live on Wednesday. I am really excited because it's obvious that it's gonna be dancy and cool. I'm not into their music so much, but she/they are going to be huge next year, and I will never be able to get to see MNDR in such a small venue again. Besides, after a day of lecture, seminar, 4 hours of drawing followed by an artist talk, it will be so awesome to just relax and let my hair down (it's always down haha).
Who is super excited about Pulp reuniting??? I know I fucking am!
Also, strangely, I am starting to like the band Girls. Why??? I hated them when they first appeared. Now... I don't know. Their songs are catchy and their attitude is pretty damn awesome.
Oh oh I really liked the BATHS show I went to. Will was so cool! Playing his little tunes and being adorable and teddy-bear like. I was standing with a bunch of people that were dancing a lot, and I joined them because it was just a really good dance atmosphere. I don't know if I would listen to BATHS on a daily basis but I would definitely go to another live show if he's playing around Chicago next year.Which I am sure he will be. I think next year I will be spending a lot more time up in Chicago than usual. At least now I have at least 2 places to stay if I wanted to.
The muse calls, this was my break from endless writing and drawing. My break=more writing. I swear my brain hates all the usual and normal forms of relaxation and entertainment, instead forces me to work even when I'm on a break. Ah well...
Btw, I had THE most amazing breakfast today. I cut up half a banana, some strawberries and some blueberries. I then put my new cereal (wholegrain blueberry wheats) and poured rice milk on all that. Sooooo incredibly yummy. Then I had some crackers with hummus, tea and jam, and some passionfruit. This vegan thing is going better than I could have ever imagined. I don't miss cheese one bit!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
i wanna fly away
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
What is life exactly? The musings of a cat? Is it worth thinking about life? Should we be the normals and drearies, life would be so much simpler for me.
I've decided I want to go to Japan. I know now that in order to keep the demons at bay I need to keep moving around as much as possible. One day the demons will take over me. But until then, well I am still able to fight them now. So until the day I can't fight them any more, I will keep those damn bastards away. What are they, what are they made of, and why are they in my head anyway? Who gave them the permission to be in my head? I want to see Bob. And no, not the Bob from Twin Peaks, though that might be a good idea also. The Bob, the golden man, the savior, the healer. It's hard to explain who Bob is in reality.
I am starting to sound really crazy. When I create fiction, there is always a part of my hidden personality in all of my created characters. Now you'll be guessing which part of them is also a part of me. I am so open and yet so secretive.
Maybe Bob from Twin Peaks lives in me now. Maybe I'll kill the next Laura Palmer. When people are young, they don't know if they belong to the normals or to the other ones. They don't realize that the day will come when they will decide without realizing it. Or maybe in the end they always knew, but didn't see it coming. People are not as brave and proud as they once were. We are such cowards.
What is life exactly? The musings of a cat? Is it worth thinking about life? Should we be the normals and drearies, life would be so much simpler for me.
I've decided I want to go to Japan. I know now that in order to keep the demons at bay I need to keep moving around as much as possible. One day the demons will take over me. But until then, well I am still able to fight them now. So until the day I can't fight them any more, I will keep those damn bastards away. What are they, what are they made of, and why are they in my head anyway? Who gave them the permission to be in my head? I want to see Bob. And no, not the Bob from Twin Peaks, though that might be a good idea also. The Bob, the golden man, the savior, the healer. It's hard to explain who Bob is in reality.
I am starting to sound really crazy. When I create fiction, there is always a part of my hidden personality in all of my created characters. Now you'll be guessing which part of them is also a part of me. I am so open and yet so secretive.
Maybe Bob from Twin Peaks lives in me now. Maybe I'll kill the next Laura Palmer. When people are young, they don't know if they belong to the normals or to the other ones. They don't realize that the day will come when they will decide without realizing it. Or maybe in the end they always knew, but didn't see it coming. People are not as brave and proud as they once were. We are such cowards.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
eight and a half, and a bit of Darwin Deez
Today I finally got around to watching Greenaway's "8 1/2 Women".
I am losing my attention lately. I am distracted by a debate about art with two people, and my hunger, and visual stimulants lying on my table, consisting of three thrifted bookies I bought today and a fourth, big book in French with absolutely amazing photos of interiors during Impressionist's times. I will destroy this book because I will be using it as art ref, and cut it up into bits and pieces. Frankly, this is the best that could have happened to it, considering it was probably on the bookshelf for many years, so dusty and too cheap. And I can't take it with me in full volume because it is too heavy and I already have too many things to take back.
But the film... well, I had the feeling again that I've seen this before, even though I swear I haven't. Greenaway is very recognizable of course, and his Japanese mania is making me go crazy because I am developing a bit of a Japanese mania myself. I loved it, because I love everything that P.G. throws into the world, or at least everything I've seen so far. One thing disappointed me, I wish there was more about the horse and pig loving woman. I think my favorite parts were these:
1. The very beginning, the sequence when the son comes back to Geneva and how they spend their time in the house before they leave to Japan.
But the film... well, I had the feeling again that I've seen this before, even though I swear I haven't. Greenaway is very recognizable of course, and his Japanese mania is making me go crazy because I am developing a bit of a Japanese mania myself. I loved it, because I love everything that P.G. throws into the world, or at least everything I've seen so far. One thing disappointed me, I wish there was more about the horse and pig loving woman. I think my favorite parts were these:
1. The very beginning, the sequence when the son comes back to Geneva and how they spend their time in the house before they leave to Japan.
2. The scene during the kabuki performance. I loved the tension between the actors and the woman who wanted to be more of a woman.
3. The scene in the hospital with the woman who fell off her horse, at night, with the room in total darkness, and her in that weird harness and the four glowing poles of the bed - visually orgasmic cosmos.
4. This scene:
5. The death of the first woman they acquired, after this scene happened:
6. The last part, the death of the father. It was so calm and serene, it reminded me of the ending to the Pillowbook, after the death of the boyfriend.
Altogether, I really enjoyed this, it was highly intellectually stimulating, if I want to sound like an idiot. Next on my list to watch is The Belly of an Architect. Let's see how many months it will take me to get to that. I have lost interest in film all over again. Argh I just wish I hadn't because I am interested in the visual aspect of course, but I just hate how long they are and the plot lines and I just wish they were all about the visuals. I guess that's why I love Greenaway because his films are mostly about the visual, but the story line is still very important, and that is why it takes me forever to convince myself to watch the next one. Once I've seen one film though, I can rewatch it a million times, because I know what happens and I don't have to worry about the plot any more.
As for other things, I am hating the cold weather but I found a way to escape it: walk a lot and really fast. It's also good for the general health because walking briskly is considered exercise. Also, big sweaters work too. I used to hate wearing wool stuff because I believed they were all itchy and scratchy. That was before I realized only the real wool ones are, and the synthetic ones are much softer and kinder to your skin, also they are very cuddly and awesome. I also bought my first pink garment today, and it looks surprisingly good on me. Though to be fair, its more like salmon colored than anything.
I am so excited about going to see BATHS on Monday night, and still contemplating whether I should go see Islet tomorrow. They have two supporters and I have to wake up at 4am the next day. I am probably not gonna end up going. I mean I saw them live once before, and though they are great live, their music is not exactly something that I enjoy on a daily basis. Then again, the gig is practically around the corner. Argh.
Which brings me to my last point! I had a great time listening to gee-tar indieness today, namely Everything Everything and Darwin Deez. Surprisingly really loved it, especially Darwin Deez. He was my sunshine in the gloom of London coldness and my sing along pal for the half hour walk from the tube station. He really really made me happy at that point, because I was feeling quite miserable - didn't catch the bus so had to walk, tired from having traveled from new cross gate to whitechapel to kings cross to euston and then back on the victoria to highbury, and before that having spent considerable amount of time in the cold cold studio. Also, was very hungry and the stomach was giving me painful stabs and also my shoulder was dying from carrying heavy loads of art crap around all day. But Darwin Deez just made it all go away with his purring "there's a million little lights when the sky turns black tonight" and "you and i are sitting on the ocean floor, you were tired of swimming and you're so bored" and finally "cause every day ought to be a bad day for you" (that's actually my favorite song on the album, and also the bomb song, but frankly I love all of them). Who would have thought that Alice's screech-lover, Salem worshiper, and Boys Noize adopted fan cat would actually like happy indie normality once again? It could be only because Darwin Deez is so goddamn talented and comes up with the most awesome lyrics and really just makes me happy. Newest obsession perhaps? To go hand in hand with obsession over Japan?
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