Sometimes I don't find the time to think any more. This is mental exhaustion. I have to write an essay on the Transformative Power of Art and nothing comes to mind because I have exhausted myself so much. There is nothing in my brain except an empty space. This empty space drives me insane.
I am listening to the Album Leaf tonight. It's sort of cosmic, but not too cosmic. It's just background sounds. I like background sounds. I need background sounds more than ever right now.
I've been feeling a strange void for a while now. I find it easy to continue painting, but anything else is a block for me. I try to write and nothing comes out. I try to talk and instead I hear silence. When I read I smudge words together into a tangled web. And when I try to watch something I get incredibly bored and switch to doing something else. Like Basquiat, I like to multi-task. I want every noise possible around me - the noises of the house, the AC, the cats meowing, the music and the TV. I want to be surrounded by heaps of crap and work on something else entirely. But it's not happening to me lately. Nothing is inspiring. Nothing is worthy of my attention. I am withdrawing from the real world into the world of my night dreams, day dreams and thoughts. But when I try to recall any of them - they all disappear as if there never was anything inside my head, just an empty space.
I am afraid to end up with an empty space for the rest of my life.
I am listening to the Album Leaf tonight. It's sort of cosmic, but not too cosmic. It's just background sounds. I like background sounds. I need background sounds more than ever right now.
I've been feeling a strange void for a while now. I find it easy to continue painting, but anything else is a block for me. I try to write and nothing comes out. I try to talk and instead I hear silence. When I read I smudge words together into a tangled web. And when I try to watch something I get incredibly bored and switch to doing something else. Like Basquiat, I like to multi-task. I want every noise possible around me - the noises of the house, the AC, the cats meowing, the music and the TV. I want to be surrounded by heaps of crap and work on something else entirely. But it's not happening to me lately. Nothing is inspiring. Nothing is worthy of my attention. I am withdrawing from the real world into the world of my night dreams, day dreams and thoughts. But when I try to recall any of them - they all disappear as if there never was anything inside my head, just an empty space.
I am afraid to end up with an empty space for the rest of my life.
