The Pillow Book - by Peter Greenaway

I just watched this masterpiece in one sitting. First of all, for a film that is actually 2 hours, it felt like 15 minutes because I couldn't tear my eyes off the screen. This is such a beautiful film that I found it hard to follow the words because every shot was just perfection. It goes without saying that this is now my favorite film, but this happens every time I watch a new film. Incidentally, this is not the first time I've watched this film! I have no idea when or how I watched it, but I know I did because after the death of Jerome I suddenly remembered everything that was going to happen afterwards, the rest of the books, especially I remembered the book of secrets and the book of silence.

My two favorite things that have nothing to do with the beauty of the film, but the actual film itself (because I think those two things can be considered completely seperately), happened one after the other.

The first one was the scene right after the burial. Jerome's mother and Nagiko sit in the car and Jerome's mother is going on about her son. She gets to the part when she says how he always preferred his aunt to his mother, because she liked modern literature full of "swear words and scatology, before it was fashionable" and tells Nagiko that she heard she is fashionable. And that is why, in mother's eyes, Jerome was with Nagiko. And then the best happens: it's so quick, you barely have time to realize and it's all over: Nagiko slaps the old lady. But she doesn't do it hard.. it's so soft and subtle, almost playful, even though the English lady exclaims "Oh!" and then the scene is cut right then. No time to think about it, to process the deed.

The second one is the scene right after this. It wasn't the scene that caught my attention, but the words. In a film so based on writing, you hear words rarely, and they are usually repeated throughout the film. Here is a rare case when Nagiko is narrating and she says this beautiful and somewhat really funny line "We didn't burn his books. They were too damp". It just struck me as so unlike the narrative of the film, it has a touch of dark humor in it.... it's just brilliant.

Lastly, oh Ewan McGregor!

I don't really know what to say except that every film I've seen him in, he surprised me in all of them greatly. I don't usually have a favorite actor because I don't watch enough films for that, but Ewan McGregor is absolutely amazing... 

^Trainspotting

^Velvet Goldmine

^Even the horrible Moulin Rouge.

On another note, has anyone noticed the HUGE difference in google images?!

i hate VISAS

i hate hate hate hate hate visas so much.
i hate applying for them, getting them, i hate everything about them.
take today for example. the stupid american visa website doesnt have anywhere a list of documents that i need to bring to the meeting, or a list of papers i need to fill out, or anything at all!!!!!!
fine. i start doing my application online. and even though it says it will close the application when 20 minutes of inactivity runs out, they shut it down after 5 minutes. i had to restart it several times! and in the end, when i completed everything but the last page and was clicking the "next page" button, it froze, and then said my session is expired!!!!!! after less than a minute of inactivity?!?!?!?
and now i have to do it all over again!?!? this took me an hour!!!!!!! i hate them all so much. who comes up with these stupid questions anyway and why dont they explain things like where can i find the passport control number???? this is sooo incredibly annoying. i hate visas. i hate them i hate them i hate them. and to think, after this i have to apply for a british visa. same old story. i bet their application will make even less sense than the american one. instead of this i could be reading. or listening to music. but no, now i have to waste another hour on answering retarded questions!

one day i will be a proud owner of a passport that doesnt require me to get a visa to every goddamn country i want to visit.

bitter lemons

Bitter is the word that comes to my mind when I think what mood I am in today. Reflective and bitter. It's finally not incredibly hot today, it rained all night and now it's really lovely outside. I don't know if I could be brave enough to fight the lazy today and actually go outside for a bit, but maybe I will.
I've been listening to music I have forgotten that I even have on my computer. For example, autoKratz. They are a London-based electro duo:

I really like their "Animal" album. Of course they are signed with Kitsune. Which brings me to the second album I've rediscovered...

I love Kitsune compilations! So much good music and you can always discover something you've never heard of before. For example, on their Kitsune Maison Compilation 5 there is Alan Braxe that I absolutely love! He is a French electronic artist. And I discovered him through this album.

Oh oh and I absolutely adore The Teenagers's "Homecoming" remix on that compilation. Pure awesomenesssssss. That song alone is so funny, but this remix is completely different. It's not even rude... the only lyrics featured in the remix are the last bit about spring break. So, totally radio safe. Actually, I think I played this song a few times on my radio show.

I have to make a full body costume completely out of paper for this project I am thinking of doing. I have no idea how to make this, and I should start making it because it will probably take a long time. 

I used to really like Digitalism, but now I can't listen to them any more. 

They actually make me skip their songs if I put my ipod/itunes/etc on shuffle or if they are in some compilation or some playlist I made. I don't know why I am just so sick of their stuff. They are not even that significant but I just can't listen to anything by them any more. Their remixes are still alright - I love their Klaxons' remix of "Atlantis to Interzone". Then again, that song is almost better than anything in the world - in original form or remixed. It's so perfect that I think lesser human beings should not be allowed to listen to it, this song is the forbidden fruit for our ears.

Having said that, I guess it's time for some Klaxons to brighten up the day!

What's with the outfit???? Haha I don't know. They are awesome like that. It's because of them that I got into electronic music. So they are my Gods.

video making

When I was a young child in Russia, all I could think of for my future was to be an artist. The painting/drawing/sculpture kind of artist. I always did illustrations for different books that I read, and I loved playing with pencils (pretending they are people) than with actual toys. Fast forward to year 2005/2006 and I am in the midst of a new hobby/project that I always dreamed of doing but never knew how to go about doing it. That is, video making. My first project was actually quite successful for a newbie like me, it was called "Journal" and consisted of a series of mini videos, each reflecting a mood, an atmosphere of some kind. And a few of those were just music videos - a song in the background and some action without natural sounds. After that, I made a few music videos ("Blind" by Placebo was the first one) and another video project, this time it was more or less a "film" type of video called "Like Eating Flies". It had a plot and characters but a lot of it was just music video-esque footage of actions with a song and no natural sounds. After that I made more music videos, more video projects. I made a sort of a documentary about domestic cats (and the cats were played by humans), and another film called "GoreLilly".
Now I focus more on music videos. I've made "Courtship Dating" by Crystal Castles, "A Boy Like Me" by Patrick Wolf, "Get Smashed Gate Crash" by Hadouken!, "My Secret Friend" by IAMX, and "In Birds Telling" by Teaadora Nikolova (where for the first time I collaborated with the musician for the video and actually got to film Teaadora).
I also made a short film for James P., "Apostasy of the Vomit Gash". I mostly filmed and edited it, the rest was done by James, including the script. Again, a new thing for me as I usually work with my own scripts and ideas. It was nice to give that over to someone else and focus more on the technical aspect of filming. I think in some way I am proud of all the videos I've done, but I definitely have my favorites. Everything more recent I enjoy more of course, because with every video I make I discover something new and improve.
I am proud of myself. I taught myself everything that I know. Using different software to edit my videos, which with years has become more complex as the programs I keep getting are more professional. Learning how to deal with dialogue, natural sounds, composition, extra sounds/music. Syncronizing movement with audio, using different cameras, and finally just trying to understand this big thing called video making, which has now become my 2nd favorite media of art to use, 1st being painting of course.
That being said, video making is much more exciting and unexplored than painting. I mean, how many years of painting history we have behind us? And compare that to the history of film. It involves more people, more collaborations and right now, even though this sounds crude, but there is more jobs available than for "artists" or "painters". That is why I've decided to go into this field properly now. My internship requires editing videos every other day, and that is a pretty good start.
Here is a collection of links/pictures etc from my past projects. Enjoy! (I like comments on my videos!)

"Blind" music video - song by Placebo

"A Boy Like Me" music video - song by Patrick Wolf

"Courtship Dating" music video - song by Crystal Castles

"Get Smashed Gate Crash" music video - song by Hadouken

"My Secret Friend" music video - song by IAMX

"In Birds Telling" music video - song by Teaadora Nikolova

"Apostasy of the Vomit Gash"

Here are two photos from filming the documentary about cats:

Here is the cover for "Like Eating Flies"

Here is the cover for GoreLilly:

Pictures from behind the scenes of GoreLilly:

I hope one day I can make better things than this.

do you feel good?

I have been extremely lazy and unfortunately with a lot of time on my hands, which together made me not want to do anything except sleep, eat, drink booze, watch Xena and read Agatha Christie and books about Buddhism. Today I feel fairly inspired to start writing again, and I even have a few things to write about so let's split them up into categories. I love putting things in 1,2,3 or A,B,C or just categorizing basically.

1.Hipsterdom
If I was a hipster I would say "oh gosh hipsters are such a bore and I am definitely not one of them" but I think a lot of my friends agree I am actually not one of them. There are many reasons behind this.. I don't enjoy 4hourlong movies about nothing. I don't enjoy music that all frankly sounds the same to me, but I realize that these bands ARE different and ahem.. important. I don't pretend to be sophisticated and drink PBR (because I hate PBR), and though I do enjoy being a vegetarian, it is not because I think it's better for the whole world or whatever crap. I also don't enjoy looking like a homeless person or spending a billion hours on my feet at Pitchfork. I don't think I've ever been on their website.
The reason I write this is not to be the typical blogger and say "oh em gee hipsters are so laaaame". Haha no I actually think this whole hipster thing is really cool and if I could be anybody, I would probably want to be one of them. It's a culture/subculture that a person can belong to and it's a good one too. Even if hipsters are fakes and they don't actually enjoy listening to noise for 5 hours straight and they fall asleep in the latest art house film, they bring something to this world that many people have forgotten existed... that is, art.
Not art as in Rembrandt, Picasso, Dali. But all forms of art, that is music, cinema, visual art, literature.. etc. Most people in this world now that you meet will tell you the last book they read was either in high school when they had to, or the typical Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings/ Twilight/ other incredibly addictive but easy books/sagas a person can read. And as for music, they either like the popular stuff, the less-popular but still trashy stuff, the completely obscure but still popular stuff (Nine Inch Nails anybody? You think you're so original if you listen to them...) and so on. And cinema? Everyone loves an entertaining film, but how many films that you've seen have actually meant something? In the broader sense? Or had any aesthetic value? How many of these films have real thought behind them, when directors think about camera angles not to show some actresses face at its best, but to achieve a certain composition? And as for art art, the visual painting/drawing/sculpture kind, most people don't even think it is needed in our world, forgetting that most things they encounter nowadays have something to do with this kind of art...
It pains me to be such a snob, so I decided to look for answers elsewhere. I decided to learn about Buddhism. Surely, it must be full of calmness and peace and compassion for all mankind. I have to say, I ran into a very interesting passage in "A Short History of Buddhism" by Edward Conze:
"The true Samgha, the invisible Church, consisted of the Aryas, the 'noble' or 'holy' ones, men who were contrasted with the common worldlings, also known as the 'foolish common people' ".
And I thought to myself, if the invisible Church already distinguished "common people" from the uncommon ones, then there must be something right with me being a snob. I still have to figure it all out, but the foundations are there already!
What does this have to do with hipsters? Well, just the fact that they bring in a bit of art into everyday life, and other people who from "common people" become interested in hipsterdom, they lose some of their common traits and just a little bit find out things about this great "art" that surrounds us in every way. We just don't know where to look for it usually.

2.News
I have stopped following world news many years ago, and I did that with a thought in mind, not just because I got lazy. My dad started working as a news broadcaster and discussing news that were shown on TV became either tiresome because he would explain everything in much greater detail, or it always left me feeling like a fool for believing in whatever I saw on the screen. Then after 9/11 things got a lot more serious in the world.. or so it seemed.. and I lost all interest in what is going on in the world. It was all the same... a terrorist attack killed this many people.. a bomb killed this many people.. some extremists in this part of the world or another part of the world killed some more people. News are depressing, ugly, inhumane. None of these news dealt with the real tragedy - the tragedy of every individual man or woman that was killed every day. What was their life like? Did they have a family, friends, people who really cared about them and couldn't imagine their life without them? And then this person's life is cut short because some big guys up there somewhere in the parliament or in a cave, decided to dedicate their life to destroying life as much as possible. Watching news became a tragedy. Thinking every time about every single person that died, imagining myself in their situation, or in their friends' situation. I guess I am a bit sentimental and I can't take these things so cooly and normal, like the rest of the world does. Just another 12 American soldiers died, big deal. Well it is a big deal! Another 2 families were shot. Meh. Same thing every day. I decided at one point that my brain has had enough and I would rather concentrate on better things in life and not think about this horrible depressing world of ours.
Now I have an internship at the same place my Dad works for. I have to make videos about the news of the world. I have to edit them, listen carefully to the content, make the information more available to people who don't understand what is going on in the world.. as in, more crazed hunger for power, religion, and death. I came back to the cycle of inhumane news day in, day out. I familiriazed myself once more with what is going on in the world now, and nothing has changed. Now I just don't understand how people can sit at their computers or TVs and watch this fucking shit every day and not think about the individual people involved in these conflicts. Maybe I am just an emotional retard but after my internship ends, I want to stop following world events again, because I will just get disappointed every day again.

3. Music
I have slowed down on listening to music once again. This period in my life happens very often, I get sick of music... all kinds of music. And then I get a little bit obsessed with one band that I listened to before, but not a lot. And then this one band will slowly bring me back to music life. Well, right now it's... Gorillaz! I kind of rediscovered them just yesterday. I always liked listening to certain songs by Gorillaz, especially their Demon Days album, but yesterday I listened to their first album again, and then watched all of their music videos and listened to some other songs from the newest album. I don't know, their music is so depressing... even the songs that are meant to be happy are not happy at all... I think that's why I like them. Also, Damon Albarn is just so crazy talented. I love musically talented people.. I don't know why. I guess because somewhere deep down I've always wanted to be blessed with a music ability but it never worked out because my channel into art is through painting.

I guess to end this post, some pictures are in order, so that I don't bore myself half to death when I re-read this post.

Ah Crystal Castles.. My soulmate in music and depression. (yeah I don't know what that means either)

Yes even I like soccer. And I support the Spanish team, and guess what. They won Euro Cup 2 years ago. And now they're world champions. My favorite player was Torres, and now it is also Villa. And I think the Dutch are sore losers.